Memorandum Found

City of Great Falls

To: (We still think you should be Mayor) Randy Gray
From: David Gliko, City Attorney, John Lawton, City Manager
Date: 1/4/06
Re: 11/05 Election Results


After reviewing the outcome of the recent election in which you allegedly lost your rightful position as Mayor of Great Falls, we have applied a careful legal and mathematical analysis to the results. As you will recall, you lost by a mere 340 votes.

After analizing the returns, we realized that the previous instructions that citizens vote for two candidates, still stand. Given that each voter voted for two candidates, not one, a=b, where a is the number of voters who voted for What's Her Name and b is the number of voters who voted for you. The two of us then needed to recuse ourselves for coffee, so we turned the numbers over to the parks and recreation accounting staff for analysis. After months of work, here's what they came up with:

First, we multiply the total number of votes received by each candidate by the total number of votes, so (a x a) = (a x b), or a² = ab.

Next, they added the first product, and subtracted the total votes as follows: a² + a² - 2ab = ab + a² - 2ab.

Then, using algebra that is even simpler than golf course accounting, they simplified both sides: 2(a² - ab) = a² - ab.

Finally, they divided both sides by the numbers added in the first step, (a² - ab), and voila! 2=1. In other words, you actually recieved twice as many votes as that..ahem...lady who ran against you, plus an additional 340 votes! You win!

Long live Mayor Gray!

(Note: The foregoing is a joke, no offense is meant to anyone. And as long as there are no more 'editorials,' it is the last I will write on the Mayoral election. Thanks TM.)

1 comment:

david said...

ZING! Very good, GeeGuy...although I was expecting the word "chad" to appear somewhere!